Pornmue 1

(Gaming discussion not related to Shenmue)

Postby David Hazuki » Wed May 21, 2003 11:11 pm

:lol1: great one, mike! good to have u postin in this story!


Ryo walked down the main road to Doubita. He came up on the Horny Bear Burger Stand.

Ryo: Excuse me.

Horny bear burger man: hey there! would u like a horny burger?

Ryo: uh, on the day that the snow turned to rain, did u see a big penis, i mean big black car driving down this way?

Horny bear burger man: hmm, on that day we had very little business, and i was busy in the back jacking off to "Gay Gary's Galore" porn mag. i didnt see anything. BUt wait! i overheard some of my customers talking that Nozomi got some giz splattered on her from the penis on the roof!

Ryo: You mean Nozomi from the flower shop?

Horny bear burger man: yep, thats the one! now if u excuse me, the mails here, and the new issue of Gay Gary's Galore is due any day now...

Ryo shuddered and continued down the road to the Flower Shop were Nozomi worked. :arrow:
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Postby mikec_ct » Thu May 22, 2003 3:03 pm

(With all the gay references in this story, it would be appropriately titled "Menmue" instead of "Shenmue", just like UK:Resistance originally said, lol)

*Ryo approaches Nozomi at the florist*

Ryo: Nozomi!!! Can you tell me about the day when my bowel movements were runny? Oh wait, that was yesterday, can you tell me about the day the snow turned to rain?

Nozomi: Yes, I was standing out here as usual, doing absolutely nothing of value for my grandmother's business, but I'm milking that old hag for every penny she's worth!!! I can't believe she pays me to stand here and talk to my friends as they pass by! I'm sorry, did you ask me a question?

Ryo: That day...

Nozomi: Ohhh, THAT day. Thanks for being so specific. Who am I, Miss Cleo? I'm supposed to know every little thing going on in Ryo Hazuki's head because I'm a girl with no interests and no life of my own? Well I've got news for you, I'm my own woman!!!!!

Ryo: The day my father died, ok??? I was trying to be subtle about it, bitch.

Nozomi: Ohhh, that day. Yeah, I got sprayed by that nasty car....
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Postby David Hazuki » Thu May 22, 2003 11:52 pm

(NOTE: Mike, i changed the title. Do u agree w/ me that it is appropriate for this story? :D)

Ryo: did u see which way it was going?

Nozomi: yes, it was going down towards the main road. Now that u mention it, i hear that Tom had some words with the men in the car.

Ryo: Tom?!?

Nozomi: ya. one of his customers almost got ass-raped.

Ryo: i shall go talk to him.

Ryo continued down the road to the hotdog stand. Tom was dancing around, butt naked, as usual.

Tom: Reyo! how about a dog?
tom flexed his dick.

Ryo: uh, i wanted to ask u about that day that the snow turned to rain....

Tom: nothing happened that day. expect for Nozomi's grandmother giving me head...

Ryo: please. the men that killed my father drove this way.

Tom: your father? well, ok. I was prancing around as usual, and one of my costumers was sitting at the table, when this huge penis came by and just hit her in the ass! So i stepped out to have a word when the man in the car. But i saw the buldge in his pants. I have never seen such a buldge!

Ryo; Did u see what he was wearing?

Tom: some sort chinese dress, maybe vellllll- vot.

Ryo: Chinese! :arrow:
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Postby goaliefrk » Fri May 23, 2003 5:08 pm

This is a weird topic.
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Postby mikec_ct » Sat May 24, 2003 12:13 am

goaliefrk wrote:This is a weird topic.


And by "weird" you mean "highly homoerotic". :lol:
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Postby Storm Ninja » Sun May 25, 2003 1:19 am

Ryo: Tom where can i find chinese people?
Tom: see that Global Prostitute Agency over there? they get some chinese costomers.
Ryo: thanks.
Ryo enters the Agency :arrow:
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Postby Joe Pesci » Sun May 25, 2003 10:45 am

Ryo walks into a bar and into the back room were he sees Nozomi giving a lapdance to this guy
Nozomi: you like that baby
Customer: thats it baby, YEAH YEAHYEAH
Ryo: Nozomi.......I thought me and you and Joy were......ya know
Nozomi: threesomes never work out Ryo, sorry
Ryo: runs away crying back to his house jumps into his bed to find......
Joy: weres Nozomi, we can't do anything without her
Ryo: yeah, we need three people to play pick up sticks
*pulls out game*
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Postby Forklift#5 » Sun May 25, 2003 9:28 pm

Forklift#5 wrote:completly out of topic: if you don't finish CHANGE THE NAME!

HEY I NEVER POSTED THAT HERE
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Postby mikec_ct » Sun May 25, 2003 10:28 pm

Joe Pesci wrote:Ryo walks into a bar and into the back room were he sees Nozomi giving a lapdance to this guy
Nozomi: you like that baby
Customer: thats it baby, YEAH YEAHYEAH
Ryo: Nozomi.......I thought me and you and Joy were......ya know
Nozomi: threesomes never work out Ryo, sorry
Ryo: runs away crying back to his house jumps into his bed to find......
Joy: weres Nozomi, we can't do anything without her
Ryo: yeah, we need three people to play pick up sticks
*pulls out game*


LOL :lol:
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Postby Joe Pesci » Mon May 26, 2003 1:19 pm

mikec_ct wrote:
Joe Pesci wrote:Ryo walks into a bar and into the back room were he sees Nozomi giving a lapdance to this guy
Nozomi: you like that baby
Customer: thats it baby, YEAH YEAHYEAH
Ryo: Nozomi.......I thought me and you and Joy were......ya know
Nozomi: threesomes never work out Ryo, sorry
Ryo: runs away crying back to his house jumps into his bed to find......
Joy: weres Nozomi, we can't do anything without her
Ryo: yeah, we need three people to play pick up sticks
*pulls out game*


LOL :lol:


Hey its a true story
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Postby Storm Ninja » Mon May 26, 2003 6:29 pm

Ryo: wait i know.
Ryo goes to the phone and dials a number.
voice: father's penis
Ryo: nine dildos
voice: mother's twat
Ryo: condoms
Voice: whorehouse #8
:arrow:
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Postby -DARKSIDE- » Mon May 26, 2003 6:59 pm

Ryo:Do you mean wearhouse?
(phone clicks)
Ryo:Oops,...Whorehouse #8
(Late at night Ryo sneaks into Whorehous#8 and sees many sex toys on the shelves)
Ryo:This glass penis,It looks like the one on that car
(a light turns on,He drops the glass penis and it shatters on the floor)...
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Postby Joe Pesci » Tue May 27, 2003 6:43 pm

Ryo: Uhhhh...... Is Master Chen here
Guizhang: He is busy up in the bathroom, what can I do for you
Ryo: :shock: Why are you naked?
Guizhang: Umm....oh that....its nothing
Ryo: its not nothing
*Master Chen calls from up in the bathroom*
Master Chen: I have been trying to clean my self up Guizhang but this damn toilet paper is stuck to me
Ryo: Why would the toilet paper be stuck to him..... :?
Guizhang: Uhhhhh.....well........
*Fuku-san interrupts*
Fuku-san: Guizhang, are you cuming ;) back to bed
Guizhang: what.....are you talking about? :roll:
Ryo: FUKU-SAN!
Fuku-san: UH OH!! Ine-san. lets get a move on
*Ine-san runs out of the bathroom were Chen is naked*
Ryo: THIS SOME F*CKED UP SH*T!
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Postby David Hazuki » Tue May 27, 2003 10:09 pm

LMAO at this story. u guys are great!

remember, try to keep it on the same story line as the real shenmue, but fuck it up! and u guys have been doin it perfectly!

keep the flow of Pornmue goin, yall :D
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Postby Joe Pesci » Thu May 29, 2003 5:44 pm

Ryo decides to stop at the tomato convience store and sees a banner
FREE SEGA SATURN PORNO GAMES IN RAFFLE
Ryo: I'll give it a shot
Clerk: what will you have
Ryo: some pornmue music and some pornmue chips
Clerk: draw a raffle
Ryo draws a ticket and it says no winner
Clerk: Oh, too bad, especially since you bought some pornmue merchandise
Ryo: Damn, Now how am I gonna get Fuku-san to help me.......
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