Shenmue Dojo

Ziming wrote: Check out this old comic from 1990 that has Donald Trump winning the election, building a wall, and blaming the guy before him. http://imgur.com/a/QjboD#0

Riku Rose wrote: Been awhile since I've told a stupid story but last Sunday I had quite an experience.

About 2-3 years ago I went a bit over the top with Tinder. This was before it became really popular and the only women on it where just looking for a bit of fun. I've drifted in and out of using it for the last year, I find that I can still get numbers after 3 messages but most women now seem to just be on it to feel good about themselves and have no intention of ever meeting up. I put this down mainly to the app becoming more popular with people when back in the day it was a bit more taboo and people weren't so up front about using it. Pretty much everyone I've met up with for a drink on it are just looking for a serious relationship which I find really off putting when they're so upfront about it. I'm not even using the app just to get laid more just to see where things go but people who within 10 minutes of meeting say they're looking to settle down scare the fuck out of me.

Well on Sunday it was about 4PM and I was in the gym when I got a message from a girl we will call Lucy. I used my normal chat up lines and had her number within about 4 messages. I started asking when she would be free to grab a drink and she wanted to meet up right away. I was able to delay until 8PM but it's still the quickest I've ever met someone after matching with them. Her profile said she worked for Ann Summers so my hope was that she was a bit open minded about shit.

I arranged to meet her at a bar in town and she was waiting in the garden part when I got there. Straight away she asks if we've ever met before as I look like someone shes seen before but I say no. First thing we start talking about is work and I was saying how I see she works at Ann Summers. Well she used to but now works at a Gym but still acts as an Ann Summers rep for those parties middle aged women have where they get drunk and get excited about dildos because they only have sex once a year. It turns out the gym she works at is opposite my office and she has come in before and set up a desk trying to get people to sign up and that's when she's seen me. I made a joke about the perverts who must walk into Ann Summers and she started telling me how the worst thing she ever had was a woman who returned a dildo. Apparently they come with a one year warranty and this one was broken but was covered in period blood... Yep 10 minutes into talking to this girl and she's telling me about period blood.

I try to make the conversation more normal and eventually she lets slip that she has a son who is two. I'm surprised by this as she is fucking tiny but she starts showing me photos on her phone from her Facebook of this kid. While showing me these photos she told me about how she has had surgery on her vagina so it's nice and tight again...

I wish I could tell you what she legally changed her last name to but I don't want to go saying names. But she has a fascination with serial killers and changed her name to reflect that...

She then started telling me that she recently broke up with her fiance. Apparently they was together for about 5 years but he has broke up with her because she broke the rules of their open relationship by sleeping with her ex and the same people multiple times. She started telling me how she's now homeless and just crashing with friends.

Some other batshit crazy stuff got said but about 2 hours in I suggested we call it a night. I offered to walk her back to her car since it was late and she had parked far away from the bar. On the way there she asked if she could stay at my place but I made some excuses. Well when we got to her car she offered to drive me back to mine since I had parked a 5 minute walk away.

Once we got to my car I started saying my goodbyes and she was saying how she'd like to meet me again. I tried being jokey about it by being sly but then she just started making out with me. Before I knew it she was undoing my belt and got my cock out. She started sucking me off when I noticed a car with people in it about 2 spaces away. As soon as I told her she got up and drove to the other side of the car park where there was no lights. She then took her trousers off and went to get on me when I asked if she took birth control (I assume her first kid wasn't planned) when she said no I rubbered up. Anyway anyone who's seen a porno can guess what happened next.

Well the next day (yesterday) I got a text from her saying that she had to pick up her ex from work and he was asking why the seat was so far back...

Everyone wrote:

Calshot wrote: At least she didn't steal the wallet your grandmother gave to you.