Shenmue Dojo

Posted: **Sat Jan 05, 2013 10:38 pm**

For Christmas my nan got me a wallet and to be honest I really didn't like it. I couldn't go back to using my old one or I would seem like a dick. So coming home from work one day I decided to pretend that I had got mugged. I said the muggers let me keep my cards and license so the only thing they took was some cash and the wallet itself as I didn't want the hassle of having to get a new drivers license.

The problem is that now my family want me to call the police. Should I just say I don't want to bother them or lie to the police as well?

Posted: **Sat Jan 05, 2013 10:45 pm**

Posted: **Sat Jan 05, 2013 11:03 pm**

has anyone ever told you you are a complete dolt

Posted: **Sat Jan 05, 2013 11:32 pm**

lmao that is pretty suspicious that they let you keep everything but the wallet, mark. If you're knee deep in this much shit I'd suggest you just let it go and say it was only a wallet and leave it be.

Posted: **Sat Jan 05, 2013 11:45 pm**

I can't tell if you made this up or not. I hope you didn't.

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:23 am**

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:05 am**

Oh, come on, there's no way to get mugged in a place with such strict gun control. What's the leverage? A pen knife? A knitting needle? A fork? Or, in your white fantasy, was he a gigantic black man, and the only thing you could see in the dark was the smoke coming out of his nostrils and the red glowing eyes?

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 8:06 am**

That's true. No mugging has ever been undertaken without the aid of a projectile weapon before.

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 8:10 am**

Why didn't you just hide the wallet and continue using the other one with no one seeing?

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 9:41 am**

You seem to be one of the members on here that actually has real world common sense, so I'm not sure if this is a joke or not. If it is real, then;

Jeff wrote:

x eleventy.

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:03 pm**

Even though this is absolutely horrible thing to do, had the thought ever come to your mind to say you just lost it? I mean play your storyline in your head:

Mugger: Give me your wallet!
Riku: No my nana gave it to me for xmas.
Mugger: Give it to me now!!!
Riku: How about we compromise on this?
Mugger: Ok let's sit down and have a discussion about our confrontation.
Riku: Ok, truth be told I really don't like this wallet that much. How about I give you the wallet and the money in it, but I will remove my credit cards and drivers license because you know how much of a pain it is to have to cancel them and even worse have to apply for a new driver's license.
Mugger: Oh I so agree, it is such a hassle to wait in line to get a new one. i certaintly wouldn't want that to happen to you sir.
Riku: Ok, so we agree, you get the wallet and the money and I keep the remaining items?
Mugger: Sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Riku: Ok then let me get this stuff out of there....oh darnnit, it's so hard to get the license out of this pouch....
Mugger: Oh here, let me help you with that.
Riku: Why thank you sir, I wish there were more muggers out there like you.
Mugger: Oh stop, your making me blush! OK here you go.
Riku: Thank you, enjoy the wallet and the money!
Mugger: Oh I will sir! I'm going to drink and snort the night away on coke! We should do this again sometime.
Riku: Oh I so agree! You can find me on twitter!

And that''s your logic.

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:20 pm**

Can I have the wallet please? I actually lost mine in Japan (thankfully I had lost it just before I boarded the last train to the airport - with no money left.. how lucky is that)

Thanks,
Random citizen

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:41 pm**

You're in so deep now, you might as well make it much worse. Say you called the police, and that they caught the guy and they have your wallet. Then, "go pick up your wallet at the police station." Actually, paint a thick swastika on the thing, and fill it with used condoms or something else that's utterly disgusting, perhaps shet (optional, but a plan B in case you can't permanently stain the wallet with an offensive symbol), and then simply tell your Nan that the mugger vandalized it beyond repair, "but don't worry about it," "it's really too bad," "nothing we can do," etc. Tactfully evade suggestions to replace it and/or insist on doing so yourself. Problem solved.

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:48 pm**

Is this a lost script for Keenan & Kel?

Posted: **Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:53 pm**

Speechless.

Shenmue Dojo

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