Finally got around to watching the original two Tim Burton Batman flicks while listening to the commentary tracks Kevin Smith put on youtube a couple years back. Fucking double feature, back-to-back (can't remember the last time I ever watched two movies in a row like that). Of course I'd seen the movies as a kid, but it's been a long damn time, and it really is a different experience listening to Kevin Smith rattling off opinions the way he does. Always fun listening to that guy prattle on about comic stuff.
Anyway, the whole experience kind of opened my eyes to how bad the movies both are as actual renditions of Batman. In my mind they've kind of just sat in the background for years as movies that I've already accepted as being generally good, but it's funny what a slightly more aged, matured perspective can reveal to you. Never really thought about it before listening to Smith point it all out at length, but these were both pretty damn awful as "adaptations" go. Batman barely does anything Batman-esque for two whole movies. He gets his ass kicked constantly, does a lot of posing, constantly fails to spring into action when it makes the most sense, etc etc. Almost literally doesn't save anyone, doesn't actually solve any mysteries, doesn't effectively halt any crimes, and doesn't formulate any plans that make a single ounce of sense. It's almost embarrassing how poor a rendition of Batman it all is.
But as Smith points out, Tim Burton was obviously more interested in playing with the villains. Jack Nicholson's Joker is obviously great. Not much more needs to be said about that. I still maintain that it's little more than Jack Nicholson being Jack Nicholson, but giggling more and acting kooky. It's not so much a great "acting" performance, as it is just a fun and engaging screen presence to watch. He's just one of those guys. The polar goddamn opposite of Jared Leto's boring fucking Joker, that's for sure. I still think Heath Ledger's version is the best of the live-action ones either way, bit Nicholson's is still a damn joy to behold. If anything, probably the most comic-accurate in a lot of ways.
The villains from Batman Returns are odd though. I think because I saw the movie so early in life and previously didn't really have any preconceived notions about who they should be, I've always just sort of accepted them for what they are. Sure, they're basically nothing like their comicbook counterparts, but taken as some kind of "Elseworld" versions, I've always thought they were just fine. That opinion is only slightly different now. I still accept Danny DeVito's Penguin for what he is; a dirtier, far more off-putting version compared to the more common "dapper" version you usually see. But whatever, he's entertaining nonetheless. Ignoring any notions of accuracy to the comics, the idea of him with his gang of circus folk is fun. Kevin Smith really tore into it in the commentary, but I'm okay with that; he's gotta be around 15 years older than me, so he obviously first saw the movie with his own ideas about who the Penguin should be, so y'know, no harm. It's just the same as how I ripped into Suicide Squad, while an audience younger than me might really like it.
Anyway, Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman is simultaneously the best and worst thing about Batman Returns. On the worst side of things, she simply makes no goddamn sense. She gets... nibbled on by cats after dying? And comes back to life? With nine lives and automatic whip skills? There's literally no explanation given for what she's supposed to be. It's one of those things where you just have to chalk it up to Burton trying to tell a vaguely surreal, fairytale-esque story. So hey, fuck it, magic cats. Or something.
Yeah, it makes no sense.
Yet at the same time, I'd argue she gives easily the best performance in the entire flick. Sure, some of the shit she has to do is silly (namely when she's tearing up her apartment), but she does it all with such aplomb that, much like Nicholson, she's just a lot of fun to watch and listen to. Even given some particularly terrible lines of dialogue to say, she's so good at saying them that it's almost forgivable.
And Jesus, the look of her.
Not just the Catwoman costume (which I've always really liked; almost entirely black and white with red lips, like a damn Frank Miller illustration), but as Selina Kyle herself. Easily ranks as one of the top 90s blondes I'd totally fucking wreck. Ranks right up there with Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and that chick who played Callisto in Xena. But Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns still sits right at the tippy top.
Anyway, the point is I've come to the realization that these movies are actually pretty damn bad altogether. Little logic is used in either, and in Returns specifically, the story just kind of wanders with no direction (much like this post). I still like the visual style of Returns a lot (basically once Tim Burton was given free reign to Time Burton the shit out of everything), but that doesn't save it from some really bad scripting and whatnot. And even with the overall cool style, Gotham still looks fake as hell (all filmed on sound stages after all) and barely seems populated enough to exist.
I'm still nostalgic, but I won't argue that they're "good" movies. More like guilty pleasures now.