Where did Henry Go?

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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Sonikku » Sun Oct 21, 2012 6:03 pm

I once contemplated suicide. Hell, even now life is and always will be tough with exceptionally little in the way of reprieves. But when my world came crashing down all around me and I had no choice but to stop being in denial over feeling like a woman on the inside, that brought me to a dark place I was not prepared to deal with or preserver through one little bit. Even after being in denial, feeling trapped, like in a prison with no hope for parole or escape very nearly pushed me over the edge. A lot of people think taking your own life is cowardly. It practically means nothing to say you're thinking about it. I hear people say things like that all the time. Ironically I never told anyone, until now, and probably came a lot closer than those that did. Personally, I think it takes an awful lot of nerve to suppress that natural instinct of self preservation and go through with finally pulling the trigger than most would imagine. Ultimately though it's because of cases like this, when everyone you touched in your life loses it in their own downward spiral in the face of your demise that I think I could not see it through.

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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby mue 26 » Sun Oct 21, 2012 6:41 pm

Good heavens, Sonikku! I'm awfully glad you didn't do it, as I don't think I could possibly face the prospect of a dojo without your feminine energy, and level headedness (indeed, there's very, very little of that around here). But please, keep living for the sake of your own marvellous-ness!

My heart really, really goes out to Henry. Though I have to say, I feel somewhat uneasy about discussing (or even reading) about such very personal and tragic matters on a public forum. Especially as I'm not even sure that Henry wanted me to know about this.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Bluecast » Sun Oct 21, 2012 6:50 pm

^ Why I didn't say at first but pete made it public so at that point the cat was out of the bag. I don't know if Henry wanted the subject publicly posted either and was not about to ask either.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby wude » Sun Oct 21, 2012 7:03 pm

why not, we all care about him
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby wude » Sun Oct 21, 2012 7:04 pm

wude wrote: why not, we all care about him


mue 26 wrote: Good heavens, Sonikku! I'm awfully glad you didn't do it, as I don't think I could possibly face the prospect of a dojo without your feminine energy, and level headedness (indeed, there's very, very little of that around here). But please, keep living for the sake of your own marvellous-ness! .


Well said Mue, she's a diva
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Bluecast » Sun Oct 21, 2012 7:16 pm

2 occasions I almost went through with it. Last month. And last year. I had people around me talk me down and out of it before I harmed myself even more. It's not a state of mind I want to return to.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Mitsuzuki » Sun Oct 21, 2012 7:57 pm

Bluecast wrote: ^ Why I didn't say at first but pete made it public so at that point the cat was out of the bag. I don't know if Henry wanted the subject publicly posted either and was not about to ask either.


What are you talking about? Unless he deleted a post, Peter didn't say anything. You did.

Best wishes Henry, take care of yourself.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Bluecast » Sun Oct 21, 2012 8:11 pm

Misread his post. Thought it said Henry came back from a funeral.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Martin » Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:46 pm

Here's to Henry. I hope you find your happiness again. In a way, I know what it's like when your best friend kills themselves. I know that you are currently probably feeling very guilty, that you could've done something, etc. It probably happened without much warning, and you've been going back through the past while in your mind trying to identify the warning signs.

Life goes on for those who want to live it. I hope to see you on the boards again one day, but the main thing is that you don't lose yourself. It wasn't your fault.

Sonikku wrote: I once contemplated suicide. Hell, even now life is and always will be tough with exceptionally little in the way of reprieves. But when my world came crashing down all around me and I had no choice but to stop being in denial over feeling like a woman on the inside, that brought me to a dark place I was not prepared to deal with or preserver through one little bit. Even after being in denial, feeling trapped, like in a prison with no hope for parole or escape very nearly pushed me over the edge. A lot of people think taking your own life is cowardly. It practically means nothing to say you're thinking about it. I hear people say things like that all the time. Ironically I never told anyone, until now, and probably came a lot closer than those that did. Personally, I think it takes an awful lot of nerve to suppress that natural instinct of self preservation and go through with finally pulling the trigger than most would imagine. Ultimately though it's because of cases like this, when everyone you touched in your life loses it in their own downward spiral in the face of your demise that I think I could not see it through.


Indeed, it's those who never even threaten to kill themselves that suddenly do so. Most threats of self-harm are just cries for help.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Henry Spencer » Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:01 pm

Just wanted to log in to say thanks for all the kind words, it really means a lot. I won't be coming back for the foreseeable future, but all the well wishes definitely encourage me to do so, in time. And it's okay that people know what happened, my apologies for disappearing like that.. I did realise I would be letting down some people on here, since I promised to do certain things for them (Dorian, Mittens, Ryudo, my apologies, I'll pay you guys back one day, bet on it). Also apologies to my fellow staff members (and Dojo forum members) for bailing out like I have, if I could turn back the clock, I would have contacted you guys and the Dojo with what was going on, I feel bad about it.

I also hope ThyDarkAngel is doing fine himself, he's going through with difficulties himself also. If you're reading this, take care of yourself and all the best. Same goes for any of you going through hard times right now. I wish all the best to all of the members on here [for example: Orange (hope you have the best damn wedding there ever is and ever will be) and Kenny (keep on living the dream)] in the future.

Don't want to make a big deal out of my absence, but seeing all of the posts in here, I felt I had to.

I vote Crimson Ryan or Kenny for mod!


I'll always be on PSN or my Hotmail if any of you guys fancy a chat. Sorry if this comes off as pretentious, I was just rather touched by all the nice messages.
You guys and gals are the best there is. See you around (and maybe again, in the future).
Be well.
Henry out.

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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Peter » Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:02 pm

:nice!:
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Bluecast » Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:07 pm

Henry Spencer wrote: Just wanted to log in to say thanks for all the kind words, it really means a lot. I won't be coming back for the foreseeable future, but all the well wishes definitely encourage me to do so, in time. And it's okay that people know what happened, my apologies for disappearing like that.. I did realise I would be letting down some people on here, since I promised to do certain things for them (Dorian, Mittens, Ryudo, my apologies, I'll pay you guys back one day, bet on it). Also apologies to my fellow staff members (and Dojo forum members) for bailing out like I have, if I could turn back the clock, I would have contacted you guys and the Dojo with what was going on, I feel bad about it.

I also hope ThyDarkAngel is doing fine himself, he's going through with difficulties himself also. If you're reading this, take care of yourself and all the best. Same goes for any of you going through hard times right now. I wish all the best to all of the members on here [for example: Orange (hope you have the best damn wedding there ever is and ever will be) and Kenny (keep on living the dream)] in the future.

Don't want to make a big deal out of my absence, but seeing all of the posts in here, I felt I had to.

I vote Crimson Ryan or Kenny for mod!


I'll always be on PSN or my Hotmail if any of you guys fancy a chat. Sorry if this comes off as pretentious, I was just rather touched by all the nice messages.
You guys and gals are the best there is. See you around (and maybe again, in the future).
Be well.
Henry out.


Dude you owe me nothing. You done favors for me. Fuck the coins they are not important. You are what's important. Get things worked out and wether or not my account is banned or not we can always talk elseware. You are one of the best members this place has ever had and while it was short the best mod this place had since Hei Long.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby MiTT3NZ » Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:16 pm

Fuck what Ryudo said, you owe me, and I'm gonna make damn sure that you pay me back dick ed!

What, you thought I were gonna leave a smiley with a tongue hangin out???

Nah, you know I'm fuckin about, all the best Spence, I guarantee you I'll be buyin you a pint soonish if you're still in Manchester.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby Spokane » Mon Oct 22, 2012 8:04 pm

Thanks for stopping by Henry, it really means a lot that you did so.
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Re: Where did Henry Go?

Postby AnimeGamer183 » Mon Oct 22, 2012 9:01 pm

Get better henry we are all rooting for you. Hope your friends family and friends do the same.

I can sympathize, I have had very important people that I cared alot for disappear out of my life, its not like they died or much less commited suicide but the feeling of being abandoned by them really took its toll. Only 2 people I can think of that impacted me like that when they told me to fuck off, my best friend from high school was the main one, the second was my last ex. I dont have a best friend anymore, havent had one for quite some time, my ex was the last person I was really close to but she took the piss. I have felt very alone again myself, its almost like no matter what I do, its always like this. I dont really feel like I have done anything wrong and I dont know why these people chose to do what they did, all I know now is that I cant go back to them, and all I can do is hope to god I can find what i need and what I am looking for and achieve the goals I have set, at all costs.
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