by AnimeGamer183 » Tue Sep 29, 2015 5:39 pm
So with all this down time while I am recovering from c-diff infection and my nasty Ulcerative Colitis flare up I have basically been putting all my time into movies and anime, and im about to start getting through some games I think now. I really feel more connected with my inner nerd here lately, kind like I was 10-13 years ago when I was basically at my peak of nerdom. I go back and watch old movies or shows or anime or game and now that im older i have an deeper understanding of everything than I did when I originally saw them, or I can appreciate the new stuff I have watched a little more and pay more attention to detail, its great observing these works in this manner and I highly enjoy pointing out certain aspects and critiquing those aspects and forming my opinion, guess I have I always kind of been like that, but its kind of like now more than ever.
Im having a pretty good time doing this and its really a therapy while I recover from the hardest part of my life by far over the past 3 months or so. I have battled fatigued, passing out, accepting all I can do is just lay here too weak to do anything but try to just listen to my doctors, it felt as if my life force is slowly draining out of me and losing 30 pounds, already being very under weight for my height and my slender build, closest thing I have ever felt to like I was dying, not having many friends to support me outside my family. Its been a tough tough time and I think its interesting my usual fall back material is there for me again like it always has been, my games and anime and movies and shows always seem to come through to make me feel better, and im not sure if thats really a good or "healthy" thing or not but it gets the job done.
I feel like AnimeGamer again for the first time in a long time, but im afraid it wont last for ever. I have alot to do once im better and this whole situation has ruffled my feathers enough to see I need to make some major changes in my life if I am going to live with this disease, I had no idea this thing could be so devistating and last this long, but I did have a hunch that with my bodys slender build and super fast metabolism that in combination with this disease it could make things more difficult and I was definitely right. I just no idea the severity of the pain, and taking 20-25 diareha shits in one day, almost passing out from pain, feeling I may actually die if I dont do anything about this, it puts alot of thoughts into your head many you have to over come. I am just glad to be recovering if its at a slow pace and I am greatful to at least have some kind of enjoyment to fall back on in the mean time. As bad as it has been I feel blessed all the same, this has put certain things into perspective and im glad to be alive.