Suicide

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Suicide

Postby shengoro86 » Wed Jun 10, 2015 11:44 am

I want to make a topic regarding suicide and depression to help those who are going through a tough time in their life.

Think of this thread as a place to go to if you are feeling down and need someone to talk to.

Lately, I have had thoughts in these areas and even attempted at one of them. Now I know better and want to help others realize that it is not the way out when things get really rough.

It is up to us as a community to take care of our own.

Talk to me

/james

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Re: Suicide

Postby Peter » Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:02 pm

When I went through the thoughts of suicide last September it all boiled down to one thing. Never mind the own disregard for the taking of my own life, how would you feel knowing you had done that to your parents. Your loved ones. How your mum and/or dad think they can handle everything in life but when standing over their own son's/daughters grave after selfishly taking their own life....

You don't just disrespect and end your own life, you break the people who created you and made you possible. That image of my parents standing over my grave made me hate myself to the point of clearing my head and focusing on things again, with the anger and shame that I even entertained the thought of doing that to my family.

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Re: Suicide

Postby shengoro86 » Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:08 pm

Exactly. Those were the thoughts I had as well. I'm glad to hear you are doing better Peter. Lets talk about this privately some time.
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Re: Suicide

Postby Peter » Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:57 pm

Absolutely bud. Anytime. Life is relentless, and full of ups and downs.

Funny story about the above case, when me and my friend were intoxicated last September on the first day of the Premier League season, I more or less spelled it out to him what was happening when I got home. That was it. He knew he couldn't beat me or talk me out of it. I walked home smiling, breathing in the air, looking at trees and happy knowing I was taking my last look at these natural things. My friend then left me at my house and legged it to my parents and within minutes my mum called me in hysterics, constantly asking me what's wrong. I had loads of little shit things going on, absolutely nothing that warrented commuting suicide.

Anyways, just this week my grandmother passed away and to be honest, we have all been doing ok. Not too bad, she was 90! So can't be too sad! But during all this I messaged the same friend asking why he hadn't messaged me at all, even to offer any sort of sympathies or respect. He completely lost it with me, saying I was never his best friend, and to get fucked. So now I literally have zero friends. I have no one to go for a beer with, or to the cinema. Or a girlfriend to be close with. I have my mother, father and sister in my life at 31 years of age. I have work colleagues etc, but no one outside of work.

The bizarre/funny thing I that I am still happy. I don't care. That one thing isn't the be all and end all of life. There are always other things. Life is what you make it, and after going through all that stuff last year, I have the strength to focus on other things. Like in the short term, working on Shenmue projects, helping the community and looking into broadening my games knowledge in general. For the long term, I travel again in November. Back to Oz, and also up to Japan and across to China. Id love to visit the US and Canada too. Again, life is what you make it. Try and take baby steps and before long, you are out of that dark room, you find yourself sitting in, sobbing and alone, and looking forward to achieving the plans and goals that you yourself have created.
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Re: Suicide

Postby rome » Wed Jun 10, 2015 4:03 pm

I've noticed the more time you spend alone, away from friends and family and merely focus on the negative things in your life, the more the "idea" of such things come to mind.

I have never attempted to take my own life, but have had thoughts when I've been at my lowest. But as you both stated, there's no way on Earth I could selfishly do that to my loved ones.
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Re: Suicide

Postby Axm » Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:55 pm

Thats all pretty fucked up Peter.. Do come up to Japan when you can.
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Re: Suicide

Postby Kenny » Wed Jun 10, 2015 7:41 pm

Peter wrote: Anyways, just this week my grandmother passed away and to be honest, we have all been doing ok. Not too bad, she was 90! So can't be too sad! But during all this I messaged the same friend asking why he hadn't messaged me at all, even to offer any sort of sympathies or respect. He completely lost it with me, saying I was never his best friend, and to get fucked.


Fuck that guy.

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Re: Suicide

Postby shengoro86 » Thu Jun 11, 2015 10:29 am

Yeah that guy seems to be a pretty big douchebag.
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Re: Suicide

Postby Yama » Thu Jun 11, 2015 12:57 pm

Yeah, fuck that guy. And just to put it out there, if anyone needs an ear I'm here. I don't post much about life on the internet, it's just not my thing as I'm more private, but am always willing to listen and talk especially in private. Wish everyone well, always. Life has it's ups and downs, but I promise it's able to turn around based on your own mindset and actions. It's never impossible nor is it out of reach.

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Re: Suicide

Postby shengoro86 » Fri Jun 12, 2015 5:25 pm

Thanks Yama. You have always been a nice guy.

Yeah Im a bit of a private guy myself but lately I just cant handle some things and being open about it has helped me out.

Im going to see a therapist and planning to leave NJ for a while to do some soul searching.
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Re: Suicide

Postby nskachu » Fri Jun 12, 2015 5:41 pm

I am "just" 18 years old and I never had any thoughts like that, thanks to God. Now, you see, I think that people just need a reason to live and I have fkund mine which is awesome to me. No matter where you live or where you were born. No matter who you trust and who you should trust, it is all just about knowing for yourself why you do whatever you do. Some people live "get rich or die tryin'"-style. They have at least a reason- in my opininion a really pointless one as you can not set a clear and final goal. So I think this is most likely not our true purpose


Shengoro, I wish you all the best in finding answers while doing the soulsearching. Not only answers but reasons.
Peter, I am really sorry for what happened to you. But it shows your strengh that you now have surlassed this and you have found your reason to not put an end to your life.
Guys, may wisdom widen your perspectives on life.
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Re: Suicide

Postby shengoro86 » Fri Jun 12, 2015 6:04 pm

Thanks nskachu.

You can just call me James
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Re: Suicide

Postby St. Elmo's Fire » Sat Jun 13, 2015 6:46 am

Depression isn't rational, it doesn't care how much you have going for you in reality or how much better off you are than others, if it hits someone none of that matters. It's a nasty thing. I've not even had "proper" depression but I do know that much.
Also, if you're depressed of even "kind of" depressed like I've experienced, people saying "get over it", "just snap out of it", "get a hold of yourself" etc.....WORST, most pointless and most fucking annoying things anybody can say. It's like, depression isn't that much fun, so if it was so easy to "snap out of it", we'd have done so already, we're not (all...) doing this for attention.

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Re: Suicide

Postby Shenmuedabest » Sat Jun 13, 2015 11:38 am

Mental illness is wholly prevalent in my family. I've had depression and suffer anxiety. My nan attempted suicide on numerous occasions but never went through with it, obviously a cry for help really, my dad however offed himself when I was a young lad and it was really hard to deal with. Being 13 years old is hard enough without having to consider the darker aspects of human existence. Everyone is different, and people have different reasons for doing what they do, but having been in a predicament where I thought there was no way out of getting out of the despair I was feeling I just decided to man the fuck up and make the change that was needed. I know it's easier said than done but it's the truth.
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Re: Suicide

Postby Peter » Sat Jun 13, 2015 8:45 pm

Not feeling suicidal or anything, but I tried sending my ex best friend a message earlier and he is done with my by a long shot. There was a glimmer of hope because me him and his brother all had tickets to go see ACDC in Dublin at the end of the month. He has the concert tickets, and I have the hotel booked in my name and also the transport to the gig so we needed to come together at some point to make that trip work. But no, I am to give them all their money back tomorrow and we no longer speak.

Which is fine, but it really does officially mean I have zero friends in everyday life. Not one. Not a male or a female friend I can have regular chats and messages with, or go to the pub or meet up with. My life now consists of working monday-Friday in the Hospital with work colleagues and a few shifts at the weekend in the shop. The rest of my time is spent on the internet or Xbox in my small room I rent in a shared house. That's my life at 31. Sad or what eh?

But I have hope and strength inside that I really do firmly believe that everything does happen for a reason and that we are all on a path. Where my path leads I do not know, but I know wether I want to go to Australia in November or not is irrelevant. I have to go. There is nothing but mum, dad and sister here in Ireland, and we are not a particularly close family anyways. It's scary looking to a future where you have to rebuild from scratch, especially now that it's a must. If I fail in Australia and have to return to Ireland in 2016, then I will be returning to nothing. Just a job, which I will work and then come home and sit alone. Grow old single, and rich. That is the reality of what I face.
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